Category Archives: Insane Mommy

Statistics Moms Need Right Freaking Now

Everything Mom Wants Proven Possible.

These days you can spin science anyway you like it. You can pretty much get away with anything. Take Monsanto for instance. Recently I saw a “suggested post” from them on Facebook that touted them as supporters of natural soil. I nearly pooped my pants. Really? Wow. Okay. The thing is, as long as you have lobbying dollars you can skew stats your way. I don’t have those but decided I needed some statistics to help Mommy Martyrs have a good damn day.

Losing Your Shit Scientifically Proven to Better Your Offspring’s Psyche


  • A recent study by geniuses at Oxford has proven that losing your shit on a daily basis actually helps your child’s psyche, making him/her stronger in his future relationships, sense of self, and overall confidence. “It’s crazy,” said Dr. Piyourpantes, “But there is such a strong correlation between frequently losing your sanity and a child’s intelligence and psyche, that we have no choice but to beg moms to lose it as much as they can–that includes, screaming, swearing, throwing things, crying, and overacting in a maniacal way.”

    Study Shows the Earlier You Put Your Children to Bed, the Longer They’ll Sleep


    Parents often fear that putting their children to bed too early will ruin them in the mornings. “I fear my kid will wake up at 4 a.m.,” said Jane Fakey. “In reality I want to put my kids to bed around 5 p.m. so I can, you know, take a piss without a toddler hanging on my leg and holding his hand under my jet stream, but I’ve been worried he’ll wake up too early.” Turns out Jane doesn’t need to worry, new science undeniably shows that putting your children to bed as early as 3 p.m. ensures they’ll sleep until 7 a.m.

Wine Proven to Improve Sleep Quality, Muscle Tone & Intelligence While Augmenting Bust

wine classy

  • A recent Harvard study proved that consuming at least a half bottle of wine per day raises IQ levels, specifically in mothers. Scientists were surprised to find that it also improved a mother’s muscle tone, tightening her ass, all abdomen muscles, and increased her bust a size or two. As for women who worried that wine could negatively affect their sleep, they should worry no more according to Dr. Poupi Pantes, “Wine has actually been proven to make women–specifically moms, sleep like they’re being massaged on the beach. Honestly, we were surprised by these results, but there’s no denying them. The numbers support them (3.14 / .575)”

Eating Your Child’s Leftovers Helps You Lose Weight

eighties workout

According to a massive (get-it) study by Weight Watchers, the more you finish your child’s nasty leftovers, the skinnier you’ll become. “It was weird,” said Dr. Skinee, “but we were able prove that moms could eat whatever they wanted and as long as they finished their toddler’s disgusting leftovers, they’d still lose weight. The science was so overwhelming we incorporated it into our regimen for non-moms.”

The Less Sleep You Get, The Better Your Skin Looks


“So bizarre,” said Dr. Gassi, “our numbers undeniably show that the less you sleep, the better your skin will look so long as you’re a mother. Even if mom can’t get a god damn wink in,  she’ll still achieve that dewy glow while reversing damage and eliminating wrinkles.”

Chocolate Proven to Make You a Better Mom

chocolate chart.jpg

According to a recent Yale study that took place over the span of 2,789 years and with more than a million participants, the higher the consumption of chocolate, the better the mother you’ll be. “The results couldn’t be easier to interpret,” said Dr. Cocoalot, “Moms really need to consume as much chocolate as possible.”

Science Proves the More You Feel You’re Failing at Parenting, the Better You’re Doing

insane housewife

At the world’s most renowned university, they were recently able to prove that the more you feel you’re failing as a parent, the better you’re actually doing. “Chill,” said Dr. Smarti, “you’re frickin’ crushing it.”

Wishing  Your Toddler Would Stop Repeating Him/Herself Shown to Help Toddler’s Vocabulary


Yeah, it’s a freakin’ car, you made that quite clear, toddler. “Mama, Mama, Mama–it’s a car. A car. A car. A car. A car. A car.”

“Yeah, it’s a FREAKING CAR, got-it, honey!”

A recent study by the University of Paris proved that the more a mother wants her toddler to stop repeating himself, the better his vocabulary will become. “The results are staggering,” said Dr. PiPi, “The more the mother wanted her toddler to–as you say in English–STFU, the better his vocabulary will become.”

New Study Shows the Slowest Potty Trainers Are More Likely to Become the World’s Smartest Leaders


Not interested in potty training your toddler? No problem! According to a recent study that absolutely can’t be wrong because it was conducted by the CIA, the slower you are to potty-train your child, the more likely your child is to become a really strong, intelligent, and beautiful person. #diapersareconvenient.

Mommy’s Survival Kit for Fall

Son of a bitch are days short! I hear my baby screaming for milk and my toddler shrieking, “Mommy! Pancakes!” and it’s so dark I don’t know if its 3 a.m. or almost time to get up.for all I can tell.  Does it even matter? My eyelids are encrusted to one another. My head is tight and heavy. My back is in need of immediate chiropractic care. How are we gonna survive fellow mommies?

Mommy’s Survival Kit for Fall

  1. Garlic


Your friends may hate you for this one. “Jesus, step back, Mama. You smell like the Olive Garden on speed.Your answer? Our kids’ stuffy little schnozes have officially inundated our worlds, so we must start eating raw garlic toast like it’s our job. Toast + extra virgin olive oil + two cloves of raw garlic + black sea salt = health. Repeat until you’re healthy. Or just always repeat and ask your partner to do the same so no one is offended.

2.   Apple Cider Vinegar

Keep your body in check with apple cider vinegar (organic, unfiltered and should include “the mother”). Just do it, already. Drink two tablespoons in a big glass of water and follow with a spoonful of organic raw honey.  Need actual reasons? Take it from Mamavation.

3.  Wine


Wine is your reward for surviving another day of madness. You deserve it because your hair was pulled 18 times, you were depants by a whiny baby, your toddler dropped the F-bomb in front of strangers, and you got shit under your fingernails while changing a diaper that may as well have been a chocolate peanut butter nuclear bomb. Wine will bring you back to an appropriate mindset and heart rate.

4. Wine (oops did I already mention that?)

Well guess what – that wine will help you lose weight! Half a bottle before bed. Consider that officially prescribed by yours truly, Dr. Mommy Martyr Cures.

5. Coffee – duh.


6. Other Mommies

For the love of God, connect with other Mommies so you don’t feel you’re alone in this sick universe. Want extra credit? Join a postpartum exercise class. You’ll work that loosey goosey pelvic floor and meet some great buddies along the way.

7. The Alliance Française


Okay not everyone as obsessed with France and French language as I am but the point is this: find something that inspires you that has NOTHING to do with your partner or children. For me, I like discussing French literature in French with like-minded people. I do so once a week at the Alliance. Find your Nirvana–now.

8. Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Pancakes

Trader Joes' Pumpking Pancakes Mommy Martyr Cures

Eat your troubles away.

9. The Voice


I HATE television. I HATE most Hollywood movies. But I’m a total sucker for The Voice. Blake cracks me up. I love the blind auditions. I need something to look forward to on Monday and Tuesday. Find yours.

10. Stew


It’s cold. You have a sore throat. By the time you come home you’re hungry as hell. Maybe just stick huge hunks of meat in there to be safe (see above). Invest in a good slow cooker and prepare hearty stews (full of #1 garlic, and #3 and #4 – wine). Bon appétit.

With Each Kid, Expect to Lose More Friends

Reliable Study Says: You’re Losing Your Friends, Mom.

Feeling cocky ’cause you’re still rocking a social life with your ONE child? Good for you. I did it too for awhile. Heck, my baby slept in his little carrier inside of noisy bars while I caught up with the gang.

With two kiddos however, the whole “friend thing” is becoming less and less realistic. (Friends with three kids, from what I understand, just move into a cave). Unless you live in my zip code (and let’s be honest, like two blocks away) I may not see you again, dear friend, for about another year or so. Yes I could get the babysitter, but just to warn you, that will look a little like this:

Boys, be quiet! Mommy’s on the phone calling your sitter! Boys–stop it! Mommy’s on the phone! Honey, give me my phone back…hold on…get back here you little–! Shit! Time out! Time-f*#king-OUT! Don’t YOU repeat that! Ready, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!

Ring Ring Ring. Hi Babysitter–are you free this weekend? No…oh…what’s that? You’ve upped to $75.00 per hour, okay, sure, great, are you free next Saturday, no? Oh…

Where’ve you been, Mama?

Let’s take a look at some of the main factors standing in the way of maintaining frequent in-person contact with friends.

  1. Mom’s inability to construct sentences (ba ba dah bah is generally not recognized as acceptable dialogue)
  2. Phone is missing (in toilet, hidden in a toy, under a crib mattress, and all contacts are daily wiped by baby)
  3. Failed understanding of the modern calendar
  4. Injured (yes, from a baby, don’t act so frickin’ surprised, they can really hurt you physically)
  5. Social norm says you shouldn’t leave your children home alone when they’re napping (Pfsssss mean what’s an hour or two?)

So you see, my dear friends, I do love you, I do. I miss you oh-so very much. But unless you can ring my doorbell* when both boys are asleep, show up with a bottle of wine and ignore my inability to speak about anything relevant, or that I may fall asleep while we’re talking, and that I’ll definitely be arranging toys with a vigor generally reserved only for the doomed and insane, this may be the end (but can you please still like my kids’ photos on Facebook?)

*Don’t actually ring the doorbell, silly!


Lone Mom.


Yes! You Can Travel Internationally with Toddlers & Babies

I’m often asked how and why I travel internationally with my little ones. The answer is simple. I cannot NOT do it . I have to see the world and  I’d miss those little crazies if they weren’t with me. There’s no excuse to pushing off your international travel for when they’re old, or when you trust them, blah-blah-blah. Go now and go often. Even better if you have a child under two because their tickets only cost 10% of a full-price.

Ultimately, traveling internationally puts us on the same course as our children. We need the foreignness to feel the sense of wonderment that they perpetually live in.

Max Parthenon

You want to cross the pond with your munchkin clan?  Here’s what I think you need to do.

Be a Damn Roman in Rome

Max the Local

Rent a home via AirBnB, your kids will start to feel more at home in an actual home. Load up on local eats at the grocery stores and markets.  Afford yourself a couple of days to be a local with no agenda other than walking around and taking it all in. Get to know the city. Feel it. Watch its people. Find the parks. Tire out your kids in them. Rent a car, get the carseats. Attempt the language. Live. Explore. Eat. Drink. Pass out in your drool.

Get Passports Immediately.


Get your kids passports. Now. I don’t care if your newborn is one day old. Get a passport. You can’t leave the country without one. Also make sure you have appropriate Visas–even my baby needs a Turkish Visa for our trip in a few weeks. Want to go to Brazil? You all need Visas.

Above is my newborn Miko’s first passport shot. The passport photo place wouldn’t take one because he was “too young,” so I put him on his white background (diaper changer) and did it myself.

Be a Decision Maker


Even if you’re naturally not a quick decision maker, you’ll need to become one. The last thing you want to do is stand around, mouth agape welcoming  pickpocketers, or and sex traffickers to grab your kid. Okay, that’s a touch melodramatic, but just saying. Make shit happen. Make a freaking decision. Never stand around looking confused. Don’t study maps for longer than a minute. You’re not going to “see it all” so make the best decisions you can, stick to ’em, and enjoy the ride.

Under Pack


Guess what, they actually sell things abroad! I mean, nothing was here originally anyway (it was all made in China). Don’t overpack diapers. Don’t overpack clothes. DO NOT bring the  big stroller (side note: your stroller is the size of two family-sized tables in most countries’ restaurants). Just bring:

  • A couple of stylish albeit comfortable clothes with good walking shoes (no screaming bright tennis shoes)
  • One dress-up outfit
  • Stylish scarves for the whole family; Zara carries great scarves for children.
  • Bjorn and/or very compact stroller

Seen above, a $19.99 crap stroller that has been up and down fjords in Norway, up and down a billion stairs in the Greek isles, and over millions of uneven cobblestones in Poland.

Eat or Die.

Max Krakow dinner

What, you have a picky eater? Welcome to the club. Eat or die, kid. Lil’ man doesn’t get his favorite cereal over there and he’s going to survive. This is the mindset you have to take on. Kids are resilient, they’ll end up eating. Starved after a few days of foreign eats, my one year old grabbed my plate of Païdakia in Athens and ate nearly all of it.

Seen above, my Max  attacking golonka in Krakow.

Accept Meltdowns. They’re Half the Fun (later in your memory at least)


Your kids will melt down. Maybe even a lot worse than at home. They’re off schedule and out of their comfort zone. They nap in crappy $19.99 strollers and they sit there watching Mom and Dad eat and drink for six hours every night. It’s called character building.

Ditch the “Schedule”


Sure your kids operate better on a schedule. That’s not going to work abroad. Firstly, you’re in a totally new time zone. Secondly, you need to see and do what you want to do whenever possible. Making a train, boat or bus time, getting to the museum at the right hours, whatever it is, it’s not gonna jive with junior’s hit-or-miss naptime so don’t plan on it. Say goodbye to the schedule – that monotony is waiting for you back home and has no place on vay-cay.

Seen above: pregnant me and my one-year old in a jazz club that doesn’t get started until 11-ish. Disclaimer: the beer is my husband’s.

Where do you want to go? Where have you gone? Please share!

Happy Poopy Valentine’s Day, Honey

I remember when Valentine’s Day was all about what I’d get (Tiffany’s). Where we’d eat (hottest new restaurant). What champagne we’d booze (Dom Perignon).

V-Day took a turn post kids. Lady Gaga wrote about a Bad Romance, but Good God, the woman’s, not even a mother. You want to know what a Bad Romance really is? It’s Valentine’s Day everyday with little ones.

Here’s what Valentine’s Day looks like for the parents of babies & toddlers.

Dessert for Dinner

Valentine’s Day provides us with an excuse to have chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Except that with a toddler, that’s actually what’s demanded everyday. When not provided, a tantrum ensues. Watch as they fall onto their knees and bang away, as the waterworks begin. Worst Mom Ever for not giving chocolate for all meals. Fine, honey, you want chocolate for every meal? Then we’ll have to work out extra hard to keep off the pounds.

Lu Zhihao kicks a ball at a basketball court in Foshan

Wet & Wild

How can you be romantic when most of your days revolve around who is going to clean the latest “blow-out?” God, to think I used to order fudgy lava cake for Valentine’s Day dinner dessert. Now, that’s what I wipe up with 1.375 packets of Whole Foods brand baby wipes in one damn go. Yum.

productshowcase1Dirty Talk

Dirty talk becomes potty talk when you have kids. If only I could laugh the way I do over potty humor in the scenarios, instead of finding myself on the brink of (another) mental and emotional breakdown.

  • Holy SHIT, What the f*#$ did you eat? (oh yeah, 5 yogurts)
  • He didn’t make it to the potty – bring me the bleach!
  • What the f*#$ do you mean, we’re out of wipes?
  • Can Mama finish dinner before you go poo-poo? (STUPID question)

Courtney_Lochner_Austria_Sign_No_PoopingDowntown Date

Recently my husband and I actually got our Babywipe Smelling Selves out on a date downtown (here’s where you congratulate me)–only to be reminded what dinner downtown looks like: a three hour wait – no reservations accepted. Cool, cuz like, we got babysitters and I’m sure they won’t mind staying over night since like, we can’t even eat dinner for another few hours. No prob. Guess we’ll just get drunk at the bar and try to relish in not telling the other to clean up a pile of shit, right?

Restaurant queueMassage

These days when I want a massage, I can usually get one on-demand! How? I simply lay my baby down and then face my back to his kickin’ little legs and let the kinks work out. He paddles around and around as if biking the Tour de France, and I get a one-in-ninety-eight kicks actually hitting a sore spot and helping.

voorkant-600x600Breakfast in Your Underwear

Yes, the romance of getting down to your skivvies for breakfast. If by skivvies you mean diaper, (baby size for the kid, adult size for you).

IMG_7333A Lot of Time in Bed

To jumpstart your romance, spend a lot of time in bed. So like, go to bed at 8:30 p.m. (pass-out in your own drool) and wake up for the next feeding, round o’ tears, or cries for water.


When all is said and done, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The tears, the poop, the late nights. Hubby – I love you and wouldn’t want to wipe an ass with anyone but you. Happy Poopy Valentine’s Day, Honey.

Who Wins? The Daily Competition of Who Did More: Mom or Dad?

We all know marriage is supposed to be teamwork. So why is it that as soon as we have kids, the angst of our youthful competitiveness comes out with a vengeance? We begin pitting ourselves against one another like ridiculous political figures, practically staging our own campaign commercials:

Mommy changed 14 diapers and cleaned the entire house today, can Daddy say the same?

Vote for Mommy if you want things done!

vote for mom

So what’s the problem? Are we horribly immature? No, (well sometimes). Are we ridiculously sleep-deprived? Yes (and love to brag about it). Do we want to be appreciated? Ding-ding-ding! Didn’t need a shrink to tell us that one. Ultimately we just want to hear that we’re doing a good job and when we don’t hear it, we get competitive. We get antsy. We want to show off our good work.


We Haven’t Outgrown Gold Stars.

We grow up with competition and recognition dating back to those little gold stars we received for our elementary projects. We got stars for everything. Didn’t pee your pants today? Gold star. Showed up to school? Sure, gold star. Stopped throwing boogies? What the hell, gold star kid. Gold stars later turned into trophies and then medals that we hung on our letter jackets. Everything was a God damn competition. With time the competition began to die down. For most of us we’re left with virtually nothing in terms of competition save for climbing the ladder at work (another story, another time). So perhaps we’re just looking to get back in the game.

Maybe we  just need some freaking gold stars.

good job momDaily I ask myself why I’m competing against my husband when I know it’s a waste of time, and ultimately that it’s begging for a fight. I know I should be on the same team and yet I find myself so desperate for him to know just how much I’ve done that I become my own slogan machine. I tout and list all the amazing things I’ve accomplished. Desperate to be recognized. Appreciated. And to win. Naturally this behavior only entices my “teammate” to list all of his accomplishments in hopes of outdoing mine.

“I made breakfast for the kids this morning at 6am.” He’ll defend himself against my first self-serving proclamation.

My response? “Oh yeah!? I made every meal for them from my own damn body for over two years, I pumped while at work, I washed hundreds of bottles every week so—I win!” We even compete over who got less sleep.

“I only slept three hours.”

“Oh yeah! I slept two.”

“I meant I slept one.”

“I’ve never slept!

This is maturity at its finest people.

Status Updates.

Conversations with my husband have turned into status updates akin to tweets and Facebook posts, albeit unglorified. They are short statements alerting him to my sad state and are most often in third person. I know I’m not alone with this one as I overhear other couples talking to each other the same way. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons why couples without kids stop hanging out with those that do. They’re so stressed out listening to the increasingly awkward status updates that they end up unfriending us.

“Mommy cleaned the entire house today!”

“Good for Mommy, but Daddy mowed the lawn and took the kids to practice!”

These little sound bites are really just more of the same: ways to gain attention and show off just how much we’ve done. Why we should win. The worst part of it is, that they serve virtually no purpose or good for our children to hear.

The verdict?

The golden rule people. If all I want is to be recognized for my hard work and to hear that I’m doing a good job, isn’t that what my husband wants too? Yes. This is how to avoid a worthless fight. After spending nearly the entire day telling our kids they did a great job, we need to hear it once and awhile too. So how do we get there? We have to swallow our pride. We have to be willing to say it first. We have to be strong enough to know that we did a good job and not feel the need to advertise what we did. Doing so only puts us in a corner, in tears, or off the podium all together. Regardless of what we feel we accomplished in a day, we should still recognize the work our partner did—or why will they ever recognize us?

good job

Image via Jinx!

I don’t need stars anymore and neither does my husband. We both just need a calming breath and to hear, “Good job, honey. You did a lot today and I appreciate it.”

It’s that freaking simple.

Later at night, I can look into the mirror and say ever so quietly, “I did more today.”

What Working From Home Without a Nanny Looks Like – And My Son Turns Into Hitler

So today I thought I could work from home without help. No problem, right? Wrong. The current time? 10:55am. Let’s walk through what’s gone down so far. Hint: it ends with my son turning into Hitler.

Started out well, we read Anna Karenina.

Okay so it’s a f*#king picture book, sue me.


Then I got on a conference call.

The background noise? The soothing sounds of a breastmilk pump which, my toddler turned on. Embarrassing.


Next? He eats half a biscotti and then begins sucking on his toothpaste. Meanwhile I don’t realize until it’s too late, that my phone is no longer muted.

My client overhears me say, “Stop sucking on your paste.”


He moved on to the wax paper. Couldn’t hear shit on my conf call over the crinkling sounds of unraveling sanity and wax paper.


So what do you do?

You give them an ABSURD amount of chocolate peanut butter to shut them up.


And this too fails, as your toddler ends up looking like Hitler.



But let’s not end on such a bad note. There is one good part to this story, and it’s this.



Top 5 Frightfully Delicious Wines for Halloween

They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover. But get real, who the hell doesn’t? We apply the same judgement on our wines too, don’t we? And when it comes to Halloween time, shouldn’t our wines being wearing a cool mask?

I set myself out to find the best of the Halloween inspired wines: both the labels and the taste. It was a really hard job and you’re welcome (ha.)

1. Bogle Vineyards Phantom

This label speaks to me. It whispers. It haunts. A dusk sky, black forest and eerie vibe. As for the wine – it couldn’t get much better. The wine is aged for 2 years in American oak and is a melange of :

  • Petite Sirah 46%
  • Zinfandel 40%
  • Cabernet Sauvignon 11%
  • Mourvèdre 3%

Don’t miss out on this seasonal wine, it’s sinfully delicious. It tastes like dark chocolate and sour cherry jam and flowers all at the same time. Tchin tchin.


2. Clos des Fées les Sorcières

A French wine out of Côtes du Roussillon, this wine is perfect for witches, hence the name. A bit fruity now, but it will be even better in a few years, so store a few.


3. Apothic Dark

I was first introduced to this winery by tasting their white wine and as a red drinker, I was impressed. The Apothic Red too, is quite tasty and new this season, just in time for Halloween is the Apothic Dark. Want to get in on the fun? Chat with them via #godark

apothic wine dark

4. Ghost Pines Zinfindel

I love the label, I love the name, I love the wine. This Napa Valley vineyard offers several varietals but the sinful zin has the sort of go big or go home that I crave. Think dark berries and chocolate espresso.


5. Charles Smith: The Velvet Devil Merlot

I know, I can hardly not hear Paul Giamatti saying, “I will NOT drink merlot” every time I see or hear Merlot either. But you will want to drink this one: dark cherries, anise, tobacco and cedar…oh and you may end up in bed with you know who.

velvet devil wine

What It’s Like to Be a Mom in Cedar Rapids, Iowa

 Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a mom in France? How about in Singapore or Australia, New York or San Francisco? This series features stories from moms around the world. Today we feature Cedar Rapids, IowaI! Read on for hilarious and insane moments, advice and moments of relating to another mom.

Want to share your story? Contact MMC!


Sara Mallicoat


Iowa City, Iowa (but live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa)


I am the mother of two boys. Ethan is almost 3.5 years old and Evan is almost 20 months old.

On average it takes me _____ amount of time to get out of the house with my child/children

On average it takes me 25 minutes to get out of the house with my children on a workday. Errands we can be out of the house in 5 minutes, all day trips can take up to 45 minutes (you have to remember those all important things like snacks and drinks!) whereas a weekend trip can take up to the week to plan!

My most insane moment as a parent was:

About 3 weeks post C-section with my second child, I was feeling brave enough to leave the house by myself for the first time (probably still had Adeline flowing through my body for even thinking that this was a good idea)! I loaded everyone up in the car and breathed a sigh of relief for the feat I accomplished and savored the quiet from the top of the garage stairs for a second before grabbing my cup of coffee and hitting the road.

The mall is about 5 minutes from the house, so we decided to stop there to return a shirt. All is going okay and this momma is feeling triumphant – I got out of the house with a 3 week old and 22 month old and everyone was HAPPY!

I got overly confident and decided to the other end and look at Penny’s. I ask Ethan, my oldest if he wants to race to the other end – he of course is excited and mommy is thinking awesome he will be tired and pass out for naptime and I can get a nap too!!   We trek to the other end of the mall and start heading back to other side again to load back up in the car and this is where the crazy starts!

We were walking back nicely until Ethan spots the riding toys in the middle of the mall! I stopped and let him climb on them (because of course if you turn them on, they scare him!) and happily watched his excitement as he pretended to ride the fire truck. I got him off and the melt down started as now we were hungry and tried – his little brother too, and you know what a crying baby does to breast feeding mommy, so I really needed to get them in the car and get home ASAP! I somehow convinced Ethan to walk with me to the car (mind you I never got a double stroller, so little brother is being pushed and my almost 2 year old needed to walk), but mid-back to the other side of the mall he takes off back to the fire truck. So, this mommy ran after him as best as she could, as I was still recovering from surgery – he makes it all the way back to the riding toys and total nuclear toddler melt down is occurring in the middle of the mall as I am trying to drag him off the toys, and little brother is screaming because he’s hungry at this point as well. I pick up my toddler, having to hold him out away from my stomach that is still sensitive to avoid his kicking feet and trying to push the stroller to get to the car as quick as possible – weaving, ducking the fists that flying around, dodging the kicking feet, you know basically looking like a crazy person running through the mall!

Once I got the toddler and stroller safely in the car, I proceeded to feed my youngest in the passenger seat, while my toddler chomped on animal crackers. I couldn’t help but think about what had just occurred as I nursed my sweet angel. I could only imagine how ridiculous I must have looked and wished someone had been with me to videotape the scene! I am sure if I looked around the other mothers were giving me support smiles and I am positive the grandparents were marveling in the good old days and how much they loved their simple lives again, so I was not embarrassed (more grateful to have gotten out alive – haha!), but totally felt like running out to buy a double stroller for my toddler who now all of the sudden liked being pushed once again?

Both boys did fall asleep on the way home and I sat in the dark garage for about 10 minutes basking in the quiet once again before waking the sleeping angels and never did get that nap.

The best piece of mom advice I have is:

To live in the moment and learn to pick your battles, (of course you must stop unsafe behavior) but let them be kids – even if you have a huge mess to clean up afterwards!

I let my toddler help me bake, and yes it takes me twice as long and I have twice the mess, but he loves being my big helper and is willing to try new foods because he is invested in helping make it!

mommy martyr cures cedar rapids mom kitchen

The hardest part about being a mom in Cedar Rapids is:

Keeping my two very active little boys entertained in the winter months when it is too cold to go outside! There are days in January we do not leave the house, so everyone starts to get growly due to cabin fever! We beat the winter blues by whipping up a batch of homemade finger paints and they paint the town red – or rather the tub!

Finger paint recipe: Ingredients: 3 tablespoons sugar, ½ teaspoon salt, ½ cup corn starch and 2 cups of water. Directions: combine ingredients in small saucepan; warm until mixture thickens; cool & pour in containers; add food coloring to create desired colors.

The best part about being a mom in Cedar Rapids is:

Being surrounded by my family and so many family focused activities – there really is something to do a short distance away every weekend (many of them being free)!

Our family loves going to the big farmer’s market downtown where we can enjoy live music and pick up organic and locally grown fresh produce. Other events we take advantage of are free outdoor music concerts, small town fairs and festivals (Iowa City 4-H fair for pork burgers are a must), art festivals, local apple orchards in the fall time where we can pick our own apples and enjoy hot apple cider doughnuts after the hike, charity walks, nature centers and campgrounds.

The places you have to visit with your children near my hometown are:

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There are currently several new videos in production and if you’d like to collaborate, contact me!