Things That Happened While You Were F*#%ing Golfing

What Happened While You Were F*#%ing Golfing?

I told the kids it was time to clean up after you went golfing.

Max crying while you were golfing

The kids shared their opinion…while you were golfing.

monkey attack

We–er, I tidied up. But there were some problems…meanwhile you were golfingBurning house

I took some time to myself while you were golfing

Serbian-Psychiatric-Hospital

We played some games while you were golfing

Chucky

Finally I got the kids out the door while you were golfing

animal attack polar bear

When we got back home, the kids were a bit overtired but I handled it

debbie-salt_mrs-loomis_scream-2_scary-mothers

Now everything’s great and you’re home! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hope you had fun! Ouh! Don’t I hope you had fun. Yes I do. Yes I dooooo. Ouh ha. ha. ha ha! Fun, fun. Mmm, fun times. Yes. Yes. Fun. Okay. Okay. I’m okay. Oh.

insane_women_pic

Financial Advice: Word from the Wise (Not Me)

Chipotle dinner for fourMy sister is a financial adviser. She says things like, “You should put 80% of your salary into your 401K” (mild exaggeration). To which I respond, “Point 8%? No prob.”

She and her family put the F in frugal. Recently while traveling they bought one Chipotle burrito for dinner to share amongst the four of them. Meanwhile, even though I’m pregnant, I still managed to buy enough unpasteurized French cheeses to host parties through the end of the year. So I could learn a thing or two from her, and so could we all – which is why we’ll have her guest blog from time to time.

For now, I highly recommend reading her article on Women Are from Venus: Financial Planning for Women

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World Cup Stars and Their Hollywood Lookalikes

While watching the world’s biggest sporting event, you know, the one that 3.2 billion people (half of the world’s population) watches, I became obsessed with finding Hollywood counterparts for the star players of the World Cup. So I pitched the story to an editor and she said go for it. After spending hours sourcing photos I then found out the story was killed b/c freaking Mashable published one similar. But I wasn’t willing to say goodbye to my own World Cup soccer star doppelgangers, one of whom Mashable also cited, but hey, I’ve got more so F-it. Here they are, World Cup Stars and their Hollywood lookalikes.

Spain’s Xavi and Robert Downey Jr.

Xavi and Robert Downey Jr

Mexican Coach Miguel Herrera and Meatloaf

Mexico Coach and Meatloaf

France’s Karim Benzema and Shia LaBeouf

Benzema

Italy’s Andrea Pirlo and John Malkovich

Andrea Pirlo

German Coach Joachim Loew and Kyle MacLachlan

Joachim Loew

Spain’s Xabi Alonso and Jason Bateman

Alonso

Netherlands’ Wesley Sneijder and Aaron Paul

Sniejder

Spanish Coach Vincente del Bosque and Gerard Depardieu as Obélix

Vincente del Bosque

Japan’s Keisuke Honda and Malibu Ken

Honda

Germany’s Sami Khedira and Anthony Kiedis

Khedira

Uruguay’s Luis Suarez & Matt Dillon in There’s Something About Mary

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Brazil’s Marcelo & Lenny Kravitz

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American Coach Jurgen Klinsmann and Harrison Ford

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Brazil’s Neymar & Gael Garcia Bernal

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Uruguay’s Cavanis & A Romance Cover Man

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Arjen Robben & Patrick Stewart

Arjen Robben

Another F*#$ing Mommy Blog?

Yep, another mommy blog. A diary of the insane? A written version of the selfie? An egoist’s way to make a mark? I hope not. I created this blog to connect with moms who have found themselves walking onto the path of martyrdom for a few steps, for miles, or hell, for a few years. My cures are just as much for me as they are for you.

And bottom line, it’s to have a laugh.

 

A Visual and Satircal Journey of Cures for Poor Mommy.