Tag Archives: insane mommy

Statistics Moms Need Right Freaking Now

Everything Mom Wants Proven Possible.

These days you can spin science anyway you like it. You can pretty much get away with anything. Take Monsanto for instance. Recently I saw a “suggested post” from them on Facebook that touted them as supporters of natural soil. I nearly pooped my pants. Really? Wow. Okay. The thing is, as long as you have lobbying dollars you can skew stats your way. I don’t have those but decided I needed some statistics to help Mommy Martyrs have a good damn day.

Losing Your Shit Scientifically Proven to Better Your Offspring’s Psyche

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  • A recent study by geniuses at Oxford has proven that losing your shit on a daily basis actually helps your child’s psyche, making him/her stronger in his future relationships, sense of self, and overall confidence. “It’s crazy,” said Dr. Piyourpantes, “But there is such a strong correlation between frequently losing your sanity and a child’s intelligence and psyche, that we have no choice but to beg moms to lose it as much as they can–that includes, screaming, swearing, throwing things, crying, and overacting in a maniacal way.”

    Study Shows the Earlier You Put Your Children to Bed, the Longer They’ll Sleep

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    Parents often fear that putting their children to bed too early will ruin them in the mornings. “I fear my kid will wake up at 4 a.m.,” said Jane Fakey. “In reality I want to put my kids to bed around 5 p.m. so I can, you know, take a piss without a toddler hanging on my leg and holding his hand under my jet stream, but I’ve been worried he’ll wake up too early.” Turns out Jane doesn’t need to worry, new science undeniably shows that putting your children to bed as early as 3 p.m. ensures they’ll sleep until 7 a.m.

Wine Proven to Improve Sleep Quality, Muscle Tone & Intelligence While Augmenting Bust

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  • A recent Harvard study proved that consuming at least a half bottle of wine per day raises IQ levels, specifically in mothers. Scientists were surprised to find that it also improved a mother’s muscle tone, tightening her ass, all abdomen muscles, and increased her bust a size or two. As for women who worried that wine could negatively affect their sleep, they should worry no more according to Dr. Poupi Pantes, “Wine has actually been proven to make women–specifically moms, sleep like they’re being massaged on the beach. Honestly, we were surprised by these results, but there’s no denying them. The numbers support them (3.14 / .575)”

Eating Your Child’s Leftovers Helps You Lose Weight

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According to a massive (get-it) study by Weight Watchers, the more you finish your child’s nasty leftovers, the skinnier you’ll become. “It was weird,” said Dr. Skinee, “but we were able prove that moms could eat whatever they wanted and as long as they finished their toddler’s disgusting leftovers, they’d still lose weight. The science was so overwhelming we incorporated it into our regimen for non-moms.”

The Less Sleep You Get, The Better Your Skin Looks

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“So bizarre,” said Dr. Gassi, “our numbers undeniably show that the less you sleep, the better your skin will look so long as you’re a mother. Even if mom can’t get a god damn wink in,  she’ll still achieve that dewy glow while reversing damage and eliminating wrinkles.”

Chocolate Proven to Make You a Better Mom

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According to a recent Yale study that took place over the span of 2,789 years and with more than a million participants, the higher the consumption of chocolate, the better the mother you’ll be. “The results couldn’t be easier to interpret,” said Dr. Cocoalot, “Moms really need to consume as much chocolate as possible.”

Science Proves the More You Feel You’re Failing at Parenting, the Better You’re Doing

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At the world’s most renowned university, they were recently able to prove that the more you feel you’re failing as a parent, the better you’re actually doing. “Chill,” said Dr. Smarti, “you’re frickin’ crushing it.”

Wishing  Your Toddler Would Stop Repeating Him/Herself Shown to Help Toddler’s Vocabulary

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Yeah, it’s a freakin’ car, you made that quite clear, toddler. “Mama, Mama, Mama–it’s a car. A car. A car. A car. A car. A car.”

“Yeah, it’s a FREAKING CAR, got-it, honey!”

A recent study by the University of Paris proved that the more a mother wants her toddler to stop repeating himself, the better his vocabulary will become. “The results are staggering,” said Dr. PiPi, “The more the mother wanted her toddler to–as you say in English–STFU, the better his vocabulary will become.”

New Study Shows the Slowest Potty Trainers Are More Likely to Become the World’s Smartest Leaders

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Not interested in potty training your toddler? No problem! According to a recent study that absolutely can’t be wrong because it was conducted by the CIA, the slower you are to potty-train your child, the more likely your child is to become a really strong, intelligent, and beautiful person. #diapersareconvenient.

Happy Poopy Valentine’s Day, Honey

I remember when Valentine’s Day was all about what I’d get (Tiffany’s). Where we’d eat (hottest new restaurant). What champagne we’d booze (Dom Perignon).

V-Day took a turn post kids. Lady Gaga wrote about a Bad Romance, but Good God, the woman’s, not even a mother. You want to know what a Bad Romance really is? It’s Valentine’s Day everyday with little ones.

Here’s what Valentine’s Day looks like for the parents of babies & toddlers.

Dessert for Dinner

Valentine’s Day provides us with an excuse to have chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Except that with a toddler, that’s actually what’s demanded everyday. When not provided, a tantrum ensues. Watch as they fall onto their knees and bang away, as the waterworks begin. Worst Mom Ever for not giving chocolate for all meals. Fine, honey, you want chocolate for every meal? Then we’ll have to work out extra hard to keep off the pounds.

Lu Zhihao kicks a ball at a basketball court in Foshan

Wet & Wild

How can you be romantic when most of your days revolve around who is going to clean the latest “blow-out?” God, to think I used to order fudgy lava cake for Valentine’s Day dinner dessert. Now, that’s what I wipe up with 1.375 packets of Whole Foods brand baby wipes in one damn go. Yum.

productshowcase1Dirty Talk

Dirty talk becomes potty talk when you have kids. If only I could laugh the way I do over potty humor in the scenarios, instead of finding myself on the brink of (another) mental and emotional breakdown.

  • Holy SHIT, What the f*#$ did you eat? (oh yeah, 5 yogurts)
  • He didn’t make it to the potty – bring me the bleach!
  • What the f*#$ do you mean, we’re out of wipes?
  • Can Mama finish dinner before you go poo-poo? (STUPID question)

Courtney_Lochner_Austria_Sign_No_PoopingDowntown Date

Recently my husband and I actually got our Babywipe Smelling Selves out on a date downtown (here’s where you congratulate me)–only to be reminded what dinner downtown looks like: a three hour wait – no reservations accepted. Cool, cuz like, we got babysitters and I’m sure they won’t mind staying over night since like, we can’t even eat dinner for another few hours. No prob. Guess we’ll just get drunk at the bar and try to relish in not telling the other to clean up a pile of shit, right?

Restaurant queueMassage

These days when I want a massage, I can usually get one on-demand! How? I simply lay my baby down and then face my back to his kickin’ little legs and let the kinks work out. He paddles around and around as if biking the Tour de France, and I get a one-in-ninety-eight kicks actually hitting a sore spot and helping.

voorkant-600x600Breakfast in Your Underwear

Yes, the romance of getting down to your skivvies for breakfast. If by skivvies you mean diaper, (baby size for the kid, adult size for you).

IMG_7333A Lot of Time in Bed

To jumpstart your romance, spend a lot of time in bed. So like, go to bed at 8:30 p.m. (pass-out in your own drool) and wake up for the next feeding, round o’ tears, or cries for water.

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When all is said and done, I wouldn’t have it any other way. The tears, the poop, the late nights. Hubby – I love you and wouldn’t want to wipe an ass with anyone but you. Happy Poopy Valentine’s Day, Honey.

Who Wins? The Daily Competition of Who Did More: Mom or Dad?

We all know marriage is supposed to be teamwork. So why is it that as soon as we have kids, the angst of our youthful competitiveness comes out with a vengeance? We begin pitting ourselves against one another like ridiculous political figures, practically staging our own campaign commercials:

Mommy changed 14 diapers and cleaned the entire house today, can Daddy say the same?

Vote for Mommy if you want things done!

vote for mom

So what’s the problem? Are we horribly immature? No, (well sometimes). Are we ridiculously sleep-deprived? Yes (and love to brag about it). Do we want to be appreciated? Ding-ding-ding! Didn’t need a shrink to tell us that one. Ultimately we just want to hear that we’re doing a good job and when we don’t hear it, we get competitive. We get antsy. We want to show off our good work.

Why?

We Haven’t Outgrown Gold Stars.

We grow up with competition and recognition dating back to those little gold stars we received for our elementary projects. We got stars for everything. Didn’t pee your pants today? Gold star. Showed up to school? Sure, gold star. Stopped throwing boogies? What the hell, gold star kid. Gold stars later turned into trophies and then medals that we hung on our letter jackets. Everything was a God damn competition. With time the competition began to die down. For most of us we’re left with virtually nothing in terms of competition save for climbing the ladder at work (another story, another time). So perhaps we’re just looking to get back in the game.

Maybe we  just need some freaking gold stars.

good job momDaily I ask myself why I’m competing against my husband when I know it’s a waste of time, and ultimately that it’s begging for a fight. I know I should be on the same team and yet I find myself so desperate for him to know just how much I’ve done that I become my own slogan machine. I tout and list all the amazing things I’ve accomplished. Desperate to be recognized. Appreciated. And to win. Naturally this behavior only entices my “teammate” to list all of his accomplishments in hopes of outdoing mine.

“I made breakfast for the kids this morning at 6am.” He’ll defend himself against my first self-serving proclamation.

My response? “Oh yeah!? I made every meal for them from my own damn body for over two years, I pumped while at work, I washed hundreds of bottles every week so—I win!” We even compete over who got less sleep.

“I only slept three hours.”

“Oh yeah! I slept two.”

“I meant I slept one.”

“I’ve never slept!

This is maturity at its finest people.

Status Updates.

Conversations with my husband have turned into status updates akin to tweets and Facebook posts, albeit unglorified. They are short statements alerting him to my sad state and are most often in third person. I know I’m not alone with this one as I overhear other couples talking to each other the same way. In fact, this is one of the biggest reasons why couples without kids stop hanging out with those that do. They’re so stressed out listening to the increasingly awkward status updates that they end up unfriending us.

“Mommy cleaned the entire house today!”

“Good for Mommy, but Daddy mowed the lawn and took the kids to practice!”

These little sound bites are really just more of the same: ways to gain attention and show off just how much we’ve done. Why we should win. The worst part of it is, that they serve virtually no purpose or good for our children to hear.

The verdict?

The golden rule people. If all I want is to be recognized for my hard work and to hear that I’m doing a good job, isn’t that what my husband wants too? Yes. This is how to avoid a worthless fight. After spending nearly the entire day telling our kids they did a great job, we need to hear it once and awhile too. So how do we get there? We have to swallow our pride. We have to be willing to say it first. We have to be strong enough to know that we did a good job and not feel the need to advertise what we did. Doing so only puts us in a corner, in tears, or off the podium all together. Regardless of what we feel we accomplished in a day, we should still recognize the work our partner did—or why will they ever recognize us?

good job

Image via Jinx!

I don’t need stars anymore and neither does my husband. We both just need a calming breath and to hear, “Good job, honey. You did a lot today and I appreciate it.”

It’s that freaking simple.

Later at night, I can look into the mirror and say ever so quietly, “I did more today.”

What Working From Home Without a Nanny Looks Like – And My Son Turns Into Hitler

So today I thought I could work from home without help. No problem, right? Wrong. The current time? 10:55am. Let’s walk through what’s gone down so far. Hint: it ends with my son turning into Hitler.

Started out well, we read Anna Karenina.

Okay so it’s a f*#king picture book, sue me.

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Then I got on a conference call.

The background noise? The soothing sounds of a breastmilk pump which, my toddler turned on. Embarrassing.

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Next? He eats half a biscotti and then begins sucking on his toothpaste. Meanwhile I don’t realize until it’s too late, that my phone is no longer muted.

My client overhears me say, “Stop sucking on your paste.”

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He moved on to the wax paper. Couldn’t hear shit on my conf call over the crinkling sounds of unraveling sanity and wax paper.

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So what do you do?

You give them an ABSURD amount of chocolate peanut butter to shut them up.

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And this too fails, as your toddler ends up looking like Hitler.

 

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But let’s not end on such a bad note. There is one good part to this story, and it’s this.

 

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Top 5 Frightfully Delicious Wines for Halloween

They say don’t judge a book by it’s cover. But get real, who the hell doesn’t? We apply the same judgement on our wines too, don’t we? And when it comes to Halloween time, shouldn’t our wines being wearing a cool mask?

I set myself out to find the best of the Halloween inspired wines: both the labels and the taste. It was a really hard job and you’re welcome (ha.)

1. Bogle Vineyards Phantom

This label speaks to me. It whispers. It haunts. A dusk sky, black forest and eerie vibe. As for the wine – it couldn’t get much better. The wine is aged for 2 years in American oak and is a melange of :

  • Petite Sirah 46%
  • Zinfandel 40%
  • Cabernet Sauvignon 11%
  • Mourvèdre 3%

Don’t miss out on this seasonal wine, it’s sinfully delicious. It tastes like dark chocolate and sour cherry jam and flowers all at the same time. Tchin tchin.

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2. Clos des Fées les Sorcières

A French wine out of Côtes du Roussillon, this wine is perfect for witches, hence the name. A bit fruity now, but it will be even better in a few years, so store a few.

vins-sorcieres

3. Apothic Dark

I was first introduced to this winery by tasting their white wine and as a red drinker, I was impressed. The Apothic Red too, is quite tasty and new this season, just in time for Halloween is the Apothic Dark. Want to get in on the fun? Chat with them via #godark

apothic wine dark

4. Ghost Pines Zinfindel

I love the label, I love the name, I love the wine. This Napa Valley vineyard offers several varietals but the sinful zin has the sort of go big or go home that I crave. Think dark berries and chocolate espresso.

Zinfindel

5. Charles Smith: The Velvet Devil Merlot

I know, I can hardly not hear Paul Giamatti saying, “I will NOT drink merlot” every time I see or hear Merlot either. But you will want to drink this one: dark cherries, anise, tobacco and cedar…oh and you may end up in bed with you know who.

velvet devil wine

What It’s Like to Be a Mom in Cedar Rapids, Iowa

 Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a mom in France? How about in Singapore or Australia, New York or San Francisco? This series features stories from moms around the world. Today we feature Cedar Rapids, IowaI! Read on for hilarious and insane moments, advice and moments of relating to another mom.

Want to share your story? Contact MMC!

Name:

Sara Mallicoat

Hometown:

Iowa City, Iowa (but live in Cedar Rapids, Iowa)

Kids:

I am the mother of two boys. Ethan is almost 3.5 years old and Evan is almost 20 months old.

On average it takes me _____ amount of time to get out of the house with my child/children

On average it takes me 25 minutes to get out of the house with my children on a workday. Errands we can be out of the house in 5 minutes, all day trips can take up to 45 minutes (you have to remember those all important things like snacks and drinks!) whereas a weekend trip can take up to the week to plan!

My most insane moment as a parent was:

About 3 weeks post C-section with my second child, I was feeling brave enough to leave the house by myself for the first time (probably still had Adeline flowing through my body for even thinking that this was a good idea)! I loaded everyone up in the car and breathed a sigh of relief for the feat I accomplished and savored the quiet from the top of the garage stairs for a second before grabbing my cup of coffee and hitting the road.

The mall is about 5 minutes from the house, so we decided to stop there to return a shirt. All is going okay and this momma is feeling triumphant – I got out of the house with a 3 week old and 22 month old and everyone was HAPPY!

I got overly confident and decided to the other end and look at Penny’s. I ask Ethan, my oldest if he wants to race to the other end – he of course is excited and mommy is thinking awesome he will be tired and pass out for naptime and I can get a nap too!!   We trek to the other end of the mall and start heading back to other side again to load back up in the car and this is where the crazy starts!

We were walking back nicely until Ethan spots the riding toys in the middle of the mall! I stopped and let him climb on them (because of course if you turn them on, they scare him!) and happily watched his excitement as he pretended to ride the fire truck. I got him off and the melt down started as now we were hungry and tried – his little brother too, and you know what a crying baby does to breast feeding mommy, so I really needed to get them in the car and get home ASAP! I somehow convinced Ethan to walk with me to the car (mind you I never got a double stroller, so little brother is being pushed and my almost 2 year old needed to walk), but mid-back to the other side of the mall he takes off back to the fire truck. So, this mommy ran after him as best as she could, as I was still recovering from surgery – he makes it all the way back to the riding toys and total nuclear toddler melt down is occurring in the middle of the mall as I am trying to drag him off the toys, and little brother is screaming because he’s hungry at this point as well. I pick up my toddler, having to hold him out away from my stomach that is still sensitive to avoid his kicking feet and trying to push the stroller to get to the car as quick as possible – weaving, ducking the fists that flying around, dodging the kicking feet, you know basically looking like a crazy person running through the mall!

Once I got the toddler and stroller safely in the car, I proceeded to feed my youngest in the passenger seat, while my toddler chomped on animal crackers. I couldn’t help but think about what had just occurred as I nursed my sweet angel. I could only imagine how ridiculous I must have looked and wished someone had been with me to videotape the scene! I am sure if I looked around the other mothers were giving me support smiles and I am positive the grandparents were marveling in the good old days and how much they loved their simple lives again, so I was not embarrassed (more grateful to have gotten out alive – haha!), but totally felt like running out to buy a double stroller for my toddler who now all of the sudden liked being pushed once again?

Both boys did fall asleep on the way home and I sat in the dark garage for about 10 minutes basking in the quiet once again before waking the sleeping angels and never did get that nap.

The best piece of mom advice I have is:

To live in the moment and learn to pick your battles, (of course you must stop unsafe behavior) but let them be kids – even if you have a huge mess to clean up afterwards!

I let my toddler help me bake, and yes it takes me twice as long and I have twice the mess, but he loves being my big helper and is willing to try new foods because he is invested in helping make it!

mommy martyr cures cedar rapids mom kitchen

The hardest part about being a mom in Cedar Rapids is:

Keeping my two very active little boys entertained in the winter months when it is too cold to go outside! There are days in January we do not leave the house, so everyone starts to get growly due to cabin fever! We beat the winter blues by whipping up a batch of homemade finger paints and they paint the town red – or rather the tub!

Finger paint recipe: Ingredients: 3 tablespoons sugar, ½ teaspoon salt, ½ cup corn starch and 2 cups of water. Directions: combine ingredients in small saucepan; warm until mixture thickens; cool & pour in containers; add food coloring to create desired colors.

The best part about being a mom in Cedar Rapids is:

Being surrounded by my family and so many family focused activities – there really is something to do a short distance away every weekend (many of them being free)!

Our family loves going to the big farmer’s market downtown where we can enjoy live music and pick up organic and locally grown fresh produce. Other events we take advantage of are free outdoor music concerts, small town fairs and festivals (Iowa City 4-H fair for pork burgers are a must), art festivals, local apple orchards in the fall time where we can pick our own apples and enjoy hot apple cider doughnuts after the hike, charity walks, nature centers and campgrounds.

The places you have to visit with your children near my hometown are:

Mombita Anti Crazy Mom Drug

Talk to your fake doctor about Mombita.

What are the symptoms of being a crazy mommy martyr? Watch and see if any sound familiar. Then learn about how your fake doctor could prescribe you with Mombita, the anti-crazy mom drug that will help you reclaim your God damn life back.

There are currently several new videos in production and if you’d like to collaborate, contact me!

7 Surprising Habits that Parents Acquire

1. Staring At the Wall

mommy-martyr-staring-at-wall

Like a poindexter. Staring at the wall becomes a new hobby for parents. Don’t get me wrong, we have loads of,  ambition, an enormous to-do list and plenty of intentions. It’s just that once the kids are in bed the only thing we really seem capable of doing is staring at the god damn wall. Shell shocked. Tomorrow I’ll fool myself once again though, that I’m going to kill my to-do list as soon as they kids nap or go to bed. There’s a sucker born every minute.

2. Watching Previews Instead of Movies

preview-screen

Movies? Oh yeah, catch ’em all the time in 2 minute snippets. What you thought I could watch a full length film? Ha! I’m lucky if I make it through ALL the previews before falling asleep in my own drool.  You see, parents receive an invisible tranquilizer dart in their ass every night around 9pm. Par-tay on.

3. Vulture Eating

mommy martyr cures leftovers

Yep. Really sexy. All those bits and pieces your sticky-handed kids left on their high chair, you’ll eat it. That leftover Mac&Cheese, sure why not? Bread crust? It’s what’s for dinner.

4. Swapping Showers for Baby Wipes

baby wipes

Showers are a thing of luxury. Something that goes on your to-do list the same way “pay the bills” does. Until you figure out that baby wipes can do so much more than wipe a little poopy ass. They can kinda shower you.

5. Describing Your Actions in Third Person.

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This becomes how you communicate with your partner in a charming and oh-so condescending manner. It’s how you tell your partner that he/she is failing in a more subtle yet, really annoying fashion.

  • Mommy is cleaning the kitchen right now because Daddy didn’t do it.
  • Looks like Daddy is on his own for dinner since Mommy passed out in front of HGTV with her plate of bread and olive oil.
  • Mommy just lost her mind, go ahead and congratulate mommy!

6. Smelling Butts.

gorilla smelling butt

This one may be less surprising since most of us have seen parents do it before becoming one. It’s inevitable. We become little gorillas who smell butts to confirm what is already blaringly obviously – baby just blew out his diaper.

 7. Emotional Transference

mommy martyr emotional transference

Here’s where you describe own behavior and feelings but transfer it onto your child. Really mature.

  • You are being crazy right now!
  • You need to relax honey!
  • STOP SCREAMING!

Uh, look at the mommy in the mirror. Time to make that change.

 

What It’s Like to Be a Mom in Cincinnati

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a mom in France? How about in Singapore or Australia, New York or San Francisco? This series features stories from moms around the world. Today we feature Cincinnati! Read on for hilarious and insane moments, advice and moments of relating to another mom.

Want to share your story? Contact MMC!

Name:

Abigail Cress Brown

Mommy-martyr-cures-Abigail-Cress-Brown-guest-post

Hometown:

Iowa City, Iowa (but I live in Cincinnati, Ohio)

Kids:

One son, Cooper, who is one year old.

On average it takes me _____________ amount of time to get out of the house with my child/children.

Wait, people leave the house with their kids? I quit my job to be a stay at home mom because this seemed crazy to me. We do, however, try to leave the house at least once a day for a walk, the gym, church, an errand, etc… but these are things we do without having to pack a diaper bag. On average, it takes me about 15 minutes to leave the house for this. When a meal is involved (meaning, diaper bag), it’s at least thirty minutes.

My most INSANE moment as a parent was:

Today, actually. My son started wimpering for what seemed like no reason and he started hugging on me so I rubbed his back. Then, I felt a bee on his leg… chaos ensued. Toy hit the floor [hard], grabbed the baby up in my arms, shoe killing the bee, baby crying and hearts beating fast (both his and mine). The bee stung my perfect little baby and the rage I felt towards that bee for hurting my baby solidified the fact that I will likely be an overprotective, terribly mean mother-in-law to a perfectly innocent girl someday. #sorrynotsorry

The best piece of mom advice I have is:

Focus on your own kid and don’t worry about the others you see online. Your baby might not roll over or clap to “patty cake” or have the fancy shoes until all the other kids his age on Facebook, but he’ll do something earlier than them and still be a happy, healthy, good kid that doesn’t care about second hand clothes and toys made out of recycled food containers.

The hardest part about being a mom in Cincinnati is:

My husband and I are both transplants in Cincinnati with no family members in town. It truly takes a village to raise a family and we often feel isolated. Though we’ve made a handful of friends in our five years here, many are Cincinnati natives that still spend time with their high school and college friends, as well as their family – leaving us often in desire of stronger friendships. It would be wonderful for us to have some help and for our son to have more interaction with adults besides the two of us.

 The best part about being a mom in Cincinnati is:

There is SO much to do here! We took full advantage of our family membership to the Cincinnati Zoo but also did many fun [and free] activities for families. Most recently, our township held a “Touch a Truck” event with vehicles from fire trucks to tractors, petting zoo, free face paint and fun music. There are farmers markets all over town every day of the week and we live in a suburb with amazing public schools. It really is a great place to raise a family!

The places you have to visit with your children in Cincinnati are:

You can find Abigail at her blog! 

Would you like to share what it’s like to be a mom in your town? Contact MMC now!

Things That Happened While You Were F*#%ing Golfing

What Happened While You Were F*#%ing Golfing?

I told the kids it was time to clean up after you went golfing.

Max crying while you were golfing

The kids shared their opinion…while you were golfing.

monkey attack

We–er, I tidied up. But there were some problems…meanwhile you were golfingBurning house

I took some time to myself while you were golfing

Serbian-Psychiatric-Hospital

We played some games while you were golfing

Chucky

Finally I got the kids out the door while you were golfing

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When we got back home, the kids were a bit overtired but I handled it

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Now everything’s great and you’re home! Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hope you had fun! Ouh! Don’t I hope you had fun. Yes I do. Yes I dooooo. Ouh ha. ha. ha ha! Fun, fun. Mmm, fun times. Yes. Yes. Fun. Okay. Okay. I’m okay. Oh.

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