As a parent, going to the park can be invigorating for so many reasons:
- You can easily tire out your child/children in a fenced in area
- You can meet someone new that may be your new best friend for life or the next 5 minutes
- You can sit your ass down for five-hot-minutes
- You can adore your child as he plays his little heart out
Perhaps one of the best things however, is learning that you’re not alone. How so? By overhearing the following five things time and again, it tells me that my parenting style is on par with the norm and that I’m not alone in my daily war against the kids.
Top 5 Things Overheard at the Toddler Park
1. We’re leaving in two minutes…do NOT have a tantrum and do NOT cry.
If standing close enough I then hear mumbled under breath, “For the love of God, please don’t have a tantrum, oh please, please God + silent prayer and a tear or two.
2. “We can come back but right now Mommy needs a Starbucks, so let’s go!”
Mumbled under breath: “Mommy also needs some quaaludes”
3. “No honey! That’s not your scooter, get off!”
Mumbled under breath: “Maybe if you fell on your ass and broke a bone you’d learn your lesson for always stealing that damn scooter.”
4. “Did you just poop?!?”
Mumbled under breath “I frickin’ hope not because your genius mom didn’t pack a diaper.”
5. “I said we’re leaving in two minutes!”
This is usually said 30-45 minutes after original claim of a 2 minute departure. Mumbled under breath: “I gave you so much extra time so please Lord, don’t have a tantrum, I’m begging you.”
What quotes did I miss??