So today I thought I could work from home without help. No problem, right? Wrong. The current time? 10:55am. Let’s walk through what’s gone down so far. Hint: it ends with my son turning into Hitler.
Started out well, we read Anna Karenina.
Okay so it’s a f*#king picture book, sue me.
Then I got on a conference call.
The background noise? The soothing sounds of a breastmilk pump which, my toddler turned on. Embarrassing.
Next? He eats half a biscotti and then begins sucking on his toothpaste. Meanwhile I don’t realize until it’s too late, that my phone is no longer muted.
My client overhears me say, “Stop sucking on your paste.”
He moved on to the wax paper. Couldn’t hear shit on my conf call over the crinkling sounds of unraveling sanity and wax paper.
So what do you do?
You give them an ABSURD amount of chocolate peanut butter to shut them up.
And this too fails, as your toddler ends up looking like Hitler.
But let’s not end on such a bad note. There is one good part to this story, and it’s this.