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What Working From Home Without a Nanny Looks Like – And My Son Turns Into Hitler

So today I thought I could work from home without help. No problem, right? Wrong. The current time? 10:55am. Let’s walk through what’s gone down so far. Hint: it ends with my son turning into Hitler.

Started out well, we read Anna Karenina.

Okay so it’s a f*#king picture book, sue me.

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Then I got on a conference call.

The background noise? The soothing sounds of a breastmilk pump which, my toddler turned on. Embarrassing.

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Next? He eats half a biscotti and then begins sucking on his toothpaste. Meanwhile I don’t realize until it’s too late, that my phone is no longer muted.

My client overhears me say, “Stop sucking on your paste.”

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He moved on to the wax paper. Couldn’t hear shit on my conf call over the crinkling sounds of unraveling sanity and wax paper.

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So what do you do?

You give them an ABSURD amount of chocolate peanut butter to shut them up.

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And this too fails, as your toddler ends up looking like Hitler.

 

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But let’s not end on such a bad note. There is one good part to this story, and it’s this.

 

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